Gorilla: Miss Indiana was named Miss America for 2009 on Saturday. I happened to catch a few moments of the program and I made a few observations.
-Mario Lopez (AC Slater from Saved by the Bell) hosted the event. Is there a network on which he does not host a show?
-Miss Ohio never gets out of the first round
-The competition would be more exciting if after the eveningwear portion they did not do the talent portion, but had another round of the swimwear competition
-The segment where the contestants have to answer questions may be the funniest thing on television. It's remarkable how quickly they diverge from the question's topic and start rambling on about some nonsense.
-I found it interesting how no contestants were sporting any sort of facial hair
Anyway, it's a shame that a lot of people most likely did not know about the competition taking place on Saturday. They missed out on a great chance to judge women strictly on looks.
And while we are on the topic...
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
New Sledding Game
Gorilla: Genuine inspiration and creative ideas are best discovered without planning or anticipation. My recent recreational invention was one such case.
It all began when I was a child. In my youth I never partook in the game of futbol or as some call it, soccer. Without too much exposure to this activity, I never gained full understanding of the anatomy of a soccer goal. Playing soccer does not really have to do with my recent invention, but the soccer goal does. As the air has recently turned to a harsh chill and the clouds have gently lain a light blanket of snow upon hills across the area, people have grabbed various objects and joined in on the seasonal craze of sledding. Sledding is great for children all over to pretend that they can bring honor and joy to their small island nation of Jamaica. I was particularly excited to get my first sled run of the season. Several other people were already gathered at the large hill so I found myself a spot that nobody had used yet. The spot looked good even though there was a soccer goal at the bottom of the hill. It is the middle of winter and no one had used the goal in a while so there was no net. I lined myself up to go right in the middle of the goal andI took off reaching great speeds as the cool air rushed through my eyelashes. The run was going very smoothly as I reached the bottom of the hill when all of a sudden the soccer goal grows parts that I did not know existed. First, a bar that lay across the bottom of the goal, which was nicely hidden in the snow, launched me headfirst into the cool night. I was only in the air for a split second before my face was torn up in the net that had appeared invisible.
Now, many people would dwell on the fact that a near perfect face had been roughed up, but this gorilla keeps moving forward. Besides the unexpected humiliation and extremely noticible abrasions, the sled ride was a fun experience. I have now decided to turn this action into a new sledding craze. What you do is place a soccer goal backwards at the bottom of a hill. Gain high speeds and pick up you feet and other appendages and head straight for the bar. When you hit the bar you will become a projectile so curl up into a ball and let the soccer net catch you. If done right, no harm should be experienced. It will probably take some practice to perfect this new art so get out there and try it!
On another note: I have always known it to be sledding, but now that I am in a new environment I am hearing people call it sled riding. I propose we make the universal term sledding.
It all began when I was a child. In my youth I never partook in the game of futbol or as some call it, soccer. Without too much exposure to this activity, I never gained full understanding of the anatomy of a soccer goal. Playing soccer does not really have to do with my recent invention, but the soccer goal does. As the air has recently turned to a harsh chill and the clouds have gently lain a light blanket of snow upon hills across the area, people have grabbed various objects and joined in on the seasonal craze of sledding. Sledding is great for children all over to pretend that they can bring honor and joy to their small island nation of Jamaica. I was particularly excited to get my first sled run of the season. Several other people were already gathered at the large hill so I found myself a spot that nobody had used yet. The spot looked good even though there was a soccer goal at the bottom of the hill. It is the middle of winter and no one had used the goal in a while so there was no net. I lined myself up to go right in the middle of the goal andI took off reaching great speeds as the cool air rushed through my eyelashes. The run was going very smoothly as I reached the bottom of the hill when all of a sudden the soccer goal grows parts that I did not know existed. First, a bar that lay across the bottom of the goal, which was nicely hidden in the snow, launched me headfirst into the cool night. I was only in the air for a split second before my face was torn up in the net that had appeared invisible.
Now, many people would dwell on the fact that a near perfect face had been roughed up, but this gorilla keeps moving forward. Besides the unexpected humiliation and extremely noticible abrasions, the sled ride was a fun experience. I have now decided to turn this action into a new sledding craze. What you do is place a soccer goal backwards at the bottom of a hill. Gain high speeds and pick up you feet and other appendages and head straight for the bar. When you hit the bar you will become a projectile so curl up into a ball and let the soccer net catch you. If done right, no harm should be experienced. It will probably take some practice to perfect this new art so get out there and try it!
On another note: I have always known it to be sledding, but now that I am in a new environment I am hearing people call it sled riding. I propose we make the universal term sledding.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Response to Wolf's Tebow Post
Lion
To add on to the frustration of the constant Tebow-loving going on in the media these days, I would like to add on that Tim Tebow is constantly portrayed as being a devout Christian who is the son of Christian missionaries and has the moral vigor equal to a celibate nun. While this could possibly be true, please look at me with a straight face and say that Tim Tebow does not motor boat these knockers with the lust of a teenage boy hooking up with a babysitter:
Seems like there's probably a little different kind of missionary work going on in the Tebow household these days...
To add on to the frustration of the constant Tebow-loving going on in the media these days, I would like to add on that Tim Tebow is constantly portrayed as being a devout Christian who is the son of Christian missionaries and has the moral vigor equal to a celibate nun. While this could possibly be true, please look at me with a straight face and say that Tim Tebow does not motor boat these knockers with the lust of a teenage boy hooking up with a babysitter:
Seems like there's probably a little different kind of missionary work going on in the Tebow household these days...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Hero Worship
Wolf
The only thing that makes me sicker than watching Florida win the national championship, is listening to the announcers hero worship Tim Tebow while it happens. Tebow played a good game. He did not play the greatest game in the history of football and he is not the greatest human being ever to walk to planet. Yet you really wouldn't know this from watching tonight's broadcast. Thank god the announcers tonight saw past the facade of a lowly championship game and recognized the contest as the metaphor for today's society that it truly is. On multiple occasions tonight, Thom Brennaman prefaced a comment with the phrase "we live in a society". Brennaman was successfully able to blow the game out of proportion while simultaneously professing his desire to blow Tebow by saying, "we live in a society today full of cynics and pessimists and I truly believe that if you spend even twenty minutes with Tim Tebow your outlook on life will be improved."............... I am no longer spelling my name with an "h" because of this asshole.
This same hero-worshipping virus befalls FSN announcers Bob Errey and Paul Steigerwald when they witness the greatness that is Martin Brodeur, or any team of analysts worthy enough to be in the presence of the USC Trojan best-in-the-history-of-the-universe defense.
The only thing that makes me sicker than watching Florida win the national championship, is listening to the announcers hero worship Tim Tebow while it happens. Tebow played a good game. He did not play the greatest game in the history of football and he is not the greatest human being ever to walk to planet. Yet you really wouldn't know this from watching tonight's broadcast. Thank god the announcers tonight saw past the facade of a lowly championship game and recognized the contest as the metaphor for today's society that it truly is. On multiple occasions tonight, Thom Brennaman prefaced a comment with the phrase "we live in a society". Brennaman was successfully able to blow the game out of proportion while simultaneously professing his desire to blow Tebow by saying, "we live in a society today full of cynics and pessimists and I truly believe that if you spend even twenty minutes with Tim Tebow your outlook on life will be improved."............... I am no longer spelling my name with an "h" because of this asshole.
This same hero-worshipping virus befalls FSN announcers Bob Errey and Paul Steigerwald when they witness the greatness that is Martin Brodeur, or any team of analysts worthy enough to be in the presence of the USC Trojan best-in-the-history-of-the-universe defense.
Puke.
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