Gorilla's 2008 MLB Playoff Predictions

Gorilla: It's one of my favorite times of the year. The time when air begins to chill as men become legends, forever forged into the history of baseball.
October=Playoffs

This year's playoffs are sure to be an amazing finale to a great regular season. Here are some things to keep an eye on during the road to the World Series.
-The Tampa Bay Rays' first playoff experience ever
-Chicago Cubs looking to win a championship for the first time in a century
-The Boston Red Sox looking to repeat as champs and win 3 of the past 5 Titles
-Milwaukee Brewers' first time in the playoffs in 26 years

Here is how the first round of Division Series are set up.
ALDS:
Boston Red Sox (95-67) -Wild Card @
Las Angeles Angels of Aneheim (100-62)

Chicago White Sox (89-74) @
Tampa Bay Rays (97-65)

NLDS:
Las Angeles Dodgers (84-78) @
Chicago Cubs (97-64)

Milwaukee Brewers (90-72) Wild Card @
Philadelphia Phillies (92-70)

As always in these situations, plenty of predictions are to be made. Here you go:

Angels Def. Red Sox
BoSox a little dinged up, no Manny, home-field advantage Angels

Rays Def. White Sox
ChiSox a little aged, Joe Maddon keeps the troops focused

Cubs Def. Dodgers
Cubs get solid pitching and hitting, a strong force in these playoffs

Brewers Def. Phillies
Great match-up, two emotionally charged teams, Ryan Braun and CC Sabathia push the Brew Crew forward

Gorilla's Championship Series Prediction

ALCS: Angels Def. Rays
Rays magical season ends at the mercy of one of the most potent line-ups around

NLCS: Brewers Def. Cubs
No Ben Sheets- No World Series, Derek Lee steps up big, epic series of Central Division foes

Gorilla's World Series Prediction
Angels Def. Cubs
Dominant bullpen shuts down the Cubs, Vlad slugs, Cubs pitching fades

That is how I think it will turn out (If not Angels, then Red Sox WS Champs).
What I would like to see is a Brewers vs Rays World Series with the Brewers ending up on top. I belive in Ryan Braun and CC Sabathia.

Let me know what you think will happen.
Enjoy the post season.

The Holy Grail of Dorm Life

Gorilla: You are getting ready to go off to college. Let's see if you are ready:
-Cheez-Its/other snacks
-Kool-Aid Jammers/other beverages
-Overrated Macbook Pro
-13" television
-Shower shoes (you know why)
-Nail clippers
-Box of adult reading

Looks good. You have everything you need to enjoy your time in your dorm. Right?
Of course you are wrong. You are forgetting the single greatest item a college student can have the pleasure of owning.
That's right, you forgot the 9 Pack Charmin Ultra Soft 2-Ply Toilet Paper.
First off, just look at how happy that brown bear is on the package. If everyone in the world were a bear with a roll of this TP, all the trouble would wipe away. College campuses are abundant with that infamous, scratchy and rough toilet paper that is the width of a dollar bill. The paper is so thin and unreliable, one moment I'm cleaning the cavern then -POP- I'm checking the health of my prostate. Other than the undurability of the paper, it is also very rough. I'm not a magician. Only on the rarest of occasions will I need less than two trips to the south for hurricane clean-up. After a few wipes, your rump feels like it spent the afternoon staring up at the sun on a Florida beach. It burns and chafes.
Please do yourself a favor and go out and purchase your own 9 Pack Charmin Ultra Solf 2-Ply Toilet Paper and you can experience the greatest joy in the world: a soft carressing wipe.

Football + Country Music = Absolutely Retarded

Third Conchord- Lion

I'm sort of stealing this topic from a story I saw on Yahoo! Sports a week or two ago. I thought the topic needed to be discussed further.  I mean, seriously, what is with the connection between football and country music?!?!? Why do television networks insist on playing god-awful country music during football game intros, outros, any-tros for that matter?!? Anyone??

Could it possibly be that football is solely an American sport and country music is solely an American music genre?

WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?!?

Country music blows.  It blows even worse when its paired with football.

Lets go through the basics...

Football - Manly, ruthless, fierce, competitive, fast, exciting, emotional

Country Music - Thinks its manly, never fierce, usually consisting of an overweight southerner who talks too much about drinking beer and his F-150. The demographic for country music usually consists of high school girls who memorize every word of a Rascall Flatts song and sing with their girlfriends while buzzing around in their little cute red Mazdas.

Another problem with this combination is simply the fact that most likely, 2% of NFL players actually listen to country music.  Those players are mostly overweight, white offensive lineman that have confederate flags tattooed on their flabby arms.

Wouldn't heavy riffs and rhythmic beats be a little more suitable to the game of football? Country music has never been seen as really "cool" or "motivational."

I'm done with this rant.  It's 1:00 am and its been a while since I've made a post.  This was simply too nagging to let die...and it had to be said.  

But if I could ask one question of you American football fans out there..

Can we please put a boot in the ass of country music with football??

Female Moustaches

Gorilla: After reading the title of this post, you may need to sit down and take a deep breath. It is understandable, but I am about to make a proposition that may change society forever.
This topic first arose in my mind when I glanced at a female staff member at my school and there seemed to be about one too many hairs on her upper lip. For some reason I did not immediately run to the bathroom to reintroduce myself to my Ramen noodles I had for lunch. I was fine with it. Acceptance flowed through me followed by the belief that all upper lips were created equal. So here it is: IT SHOULD BE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE FOR WOMEN TO HAVE MOUSTACHES

Now, before you start rioting in the streets or doing anything else crazy like wearing a Boston RedSox hat, let me explain myself.
I'm not saying that I am attracted to woolly women, just that some ladies should be allowed to sport possibly the greatest facial attribute of all time. Being able to grow facial hair is like having a super power. If a female can grow a stache better than I can, go for it. I'm not saying I can't grow one, heck give me a few weeks and you'll want me to mow your lawn.
I'm not forcing society to think that the female moustache is sexy. I would just like society to be walking down the street and see Ms. Jane Doe but mistake her for Rollie Fingers and be OK with it.
This is a hot topic and I am sure it will be debated to no end during the presidential election race. Please debate yourselves with comments.