Hero Worship

Wolf

The only thing that makes me sicker than watching Florida win the national championship, is listening to the announcers hero worship Tim Tebow while it happens.  Tebow played a good game.  He did not play the greatest game in the history of football and he is not the greatest human being ever to walk to planet.  Yet you really wouldn't know this from watching tonight's broadcast.  Thank god the announcers tonight saw past the facade of a lowly championship game and recognized the contest as the metaphor for today's society that it truly is.  On multiple occasions tonight, Thom Brennaman prefaced a comment with the phrase "we live in a society".  Brennaman was successfully able to blow the game out of proportion while simultaneously professing his desire to blow Tebow by saying, "we live in a society today full of cynics and pessimists and I truly believe that if you spend even twenty minutes with Tim Tebow your outlook on life will be improved."............... I am no longer spelling my name with an "h" because of this asshole.

This same hero-worshipping virus befalls FSN announcers Bob Errey and Paul Steigerwald when they witness the greatness that is Martin Brodeur, or any team of analysts worthy enough to be in the presence  of the USC Trojan best-in-the-history-of-the-universe defense.

Puke.

Phat Philosophy

Gorilla: What's up readers? I should be writing my philosophy paper but I have a problem staying focused long enough to get a solid train of thought going. I thought I would exert some negative energy into a post on this blog. This post will briefly unearth some of my feelings on the subject of philosophy.
Because I can't focus I will begin my little rant with something good about philosophy. Philosophy has philosophers. The philosophers have names. The names of the philosphers are used in the best drama series on television, LOST. John Locke/ Bentham, Hume, Rousseau, and others. LOST returns January 21st with back to back episodes. I'm going to need like 3 pairs of undergarments.
Anyway, philosophy is people talking about the deep meanings of things. If you want to be a philosopher, you need to have a lot of time on your hands. If you have no interest in philosophy, it can be a waste of time. Sure its nice to have profound thoughts, but you dont have to write four inch thick books with tiny font.
Jumping to another point (for I have to finish my paper), one philosopher whose work I recently read is Robert Nozick. He described and experience machine that would cause you to experience anything you wanted and it would appear to be real. Anything you want. So Nozick comments, "you would think and feel that you were writing a great novel, or making a new friend, or reading an interesting book." No joke, that is what Nozick said he would experience in this machine that could project ANYTHING. I don't even think people who enjoy reading would use this machine to produce the experience of reading an interesting book. I could think of a vast number of different things I would experience before doing anything involving a book. If I were to make a list of top ten things I would experience, half of them would be too dirty to include on this wholesome blog.
Hitherto, I dont know if I made sense I just had to diffuse some of my energy.


Seriously, reading a book?

The NFL Makes Me Sick

Gorilla: Hello everyone. A few weeks ago my fellow conchord, Wolf, discussed his feelings toward the play of some football teams early on in the sesason. I would also like to express myself on the issue of the NFL. First off, the league has had so many injuries (including paralysis, death, and your brain turnign to goo after you retire) that now any big hit is rewarded with a hefty fine. Well football is a man's game. You got to be TOUGH. You gotta fight through minicamps without keeling over from heat exhaustion. Then comes the pre-seson where the stars of the NFL don't even play because of the risk of injury. You've made it to the regular season. Perhaps the season goes swimmingly. OR....First game of the season you blow out your knee and can't play the rest of the season and you won't be able to try to repeat as MVP (Tom Brady). Perhaps your knees hold up, but as you go across the middle for a 12 yard reception you get your clock cleaned by a free safety trying to end someone. You get up and you don't know where you are. You think you're back at Millridge Elementary and its time for recess on the spider web. But your coach keeps playing you because you are a MAN and you're TOUGH.  Ugh.. enough on the life restricting injuries.
My second complaint is that the NFL is sooooooo over-analyzed. You play ONE GAME A WEEK, then you have "experts" like John Clayton and Sean Salisbury discussing the most insignificant stories that mean absolutley nothing. Donovan McNabb didn't know a game can end in a tie (and theres an idiocracy right there), TO would like to make some cathces, he's so selfish and he destroys clubs. Tony Romo went to the movies. Tom Brady impregnated three indonesian circus midgets. WHO CARES!? The NFL is: play one day, talk about off-field nonsense the next six days.
Off-field garbage leads me to my final point. The NFL has to be at leat 64% criminals and law breakers. The best linebacker in the league murdered someone, the former top running back is a drug dealer, and all of the Bengals starters have spent time in jail at some point in the last three years. Adam Pacman Jones recently was given his third chance to play football and not cause off-field raucuses after failing the first two times. For all you die hard NFL fans from back in the day with the original LT and the Juice, I found a site with an NFL All Criminal Team: click
Well thats my rant on America's favorite sport. Enjoy the rest of the season.

Cy-ing Double

Gorilla: Thursday, November 13 Cliff Lee was named the AL Cy Young Award winner. Clifford posted a record of 22-3 accompanied with a petite 2.54 ERA.  The Cy Young Award remains in C-Town as last year CC Sabathia captured the recognition as best pitcher in the AL. Before CC, the Indian's only Cy Young had been Gaylord Perry in 1974.
What makes Cliff Lee's award more impressive is that he was sent down to the minors in the middle of the season after putting up a dismal 5-8 record with an ERA of 6.29. During the spring training prior to the 2008 regular season, Lee was fighting for the fifth spot in the rotation. After an intense physical training routine in the off-season and a historic 2008 campaign, Lee is now set as the ace of the staff for 2009.
On another note, Grady Sizemore earned his second Gold Glove and his first Silver Slugger award. These recognitions come from an incredible defensive and offensive season that included a 30-30 year. By the way, our last MVP award was acheived by Al Rosen in 1953. Grady, I think its time that prestigious award returns to Cleveland.
Enjoy some clips of Grady being one of the best players in baseball. His catch at 55seconds is a personal favorite of mine.

Jim from The Office: The Game

Second Conchord - Gorilla
Do you often find yourself losing interest in conversations or in other coloquial situations? Well I have created a new game that will cure your boredom. This tony new game is called "Jim". Named after Jim from The Office, the game is played with one player, the Jim, or possibly with another player, the Pam. The object of the game is to be bored sitting around, possibly during a conversation with other people, and during that time you have to look into an imaginary camera and make a "Jim face" as you spike the camera. If a Pam is playing along, "Jim faces" may be made to him/her but she has to be sitting at a desk approximately twenty degrees north east of the Jim's orientation.
Winning is acheived if you avoid getting caught looking into the camera by the people around you. You are also a winner if this game helps boost your self-esteem.
As with all games, there are sure to be provisions along the way. Try playing "Jim" with your friends or by yourself and let me know how we can make it better.

O Canada

A Special Campaign Comment from Wolf

To all you Mark Muccis in the nation, who repeatedly informed me through your facebook statuses and otherwise that you will be promptly fleeing to Canada following a McCain loss, by all means go. I'm not saying this because I think the country would be a better place without you. Although that's a very real possibility. I'm happy to support your move because it finally proves beyond any shadow of a doubt how stupid you people really are. How ignorant you are in your opposition to a candidate with "socialist" policies whose victory has you instantly singing the chorus of move to Canada. For any conservative who may have stumbled across this post while waiting for their one way flight to Canada and has no idea where I'm going with this: CANADA HAS SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE.
I would love some input from the readers about other ways that Canada is more liberal than the United States, but I don't know of any other specific examples, so (unlike my conservative friends) I won't make generalizations that turn out to be untrue.

So by all means, move to Canada. God knows you won't be missed here.

The Future